Here is my take on Friendship
Friendship
It holds vast meanings. I read an article on how everyone has 3 types of friends, active, dormant, and commemorative.
Active is pretty self explanatory. It's the kind where you keep up with each other everyday, both of you know who your current crushes are, who's the most annoying person on earth currently, and you never fail to have your frequent if not daily reportage. To me, an active friendship also includes, in other words, as the millennials like to call it, a low maintenance friendship. This kind is where you still keep up, but maybe not as frequent. You have your whatsapp group blowing up everytime with news and updates. You know what's up with them. But goals, time and dreams separates you all physically. I treasure this kind of friendship just as much, because you know these people will always be there when needed. And you will always try and make time for them despite of your not so in-sync schedule or your current life situation.
A dormant friendship is someone you had history with. I see this friendship as those long lost school friends you haven't talked to in years. You still think of them as your friend, but you don't talk anymore. They like your photos, see your insta stories and that's pretty much it. They sort of are keeping up, but digitally. But you would invite them to your wedding & if you were to stumble upon them in malls and whatnot, both of you have no problem catching up.
Now, there's commemorative friendship, pretty much are bunch of people you may or plan to not meet ever again, in the future. But they have shared though not a big chunk, but a small tiny part of your life. It's not like they are not meaningful, but maybe not meaningful, enough. I personally have all three types of friendships. During diploma, a friend of mine (you know who you are :p ), asked me "Who do you think you'll keep in touch with in years to come" and i foolishly replied "Of course all of them! They are all my friends!" Well how adorable, 18 years old Nadh, everyone. Look where you are now. You know exactly who your real deal homies are xD
Don't get me wrong, commemorative friends, yes they mean something to you, but my terms of commemorative friend is just that i don't seem to see them in my future. So from this point onwards, let's just use word "commemorative friends" based on my terms, ok? There are a few contributive factors as to why they may not be in your frame, in years to come.
1. Being around them feels more like you're obliged to, for the sake of fitting in and to get this over with until you're done having to spend that particular time with them, instead of feeling like you truly want to spend time with.
2. You're not genuinely happy. Some people call it faking, but i call it being nice. And yes, there's always an extent to be nice.
3. You feel intimated, or judged for many reasons.
4. They make you laugh, and make you happy, but at the end of the day, you feel exhausted instead of feeling recharged.
To simplify, it is a shallow friendship.
It's not like it a sin to have a shallow friendship, it's totally okay! But in my case, i feel a little lazy to draw out my efforts now, especially in these types of friendship.
Friendship to me is more than just laughs and butterflies and rainbows. And please, lets just shorten commemorative friends as CF for god sake i'm tired of typing. And yes, my CF aren't really the type of people i'd run to for serious advice or when i feel like crying because life can get a little nasty sometimes. They don't know my life stories, well maybe some. They're not really the people i'd excitedly tell stories to my mum to. During conversations sometimes, redundant questions and stories permeates the air, and quite frankly, i'm getting tired of it. I crave for more than just a friendly connection, which goes waaay beyond the shallow part of the "continental shelf". A friend to me is more than someone to crack jokes to, to have inside jokes with. Of course, those things creates a foundation in all friendships, but maybe not that solid. And to really obtain that deep friendship, one (and also the friend obviously lol) must go through their fair shares of bad and good times. My CFs, hence why they're CF-s, do not meet to my needs of being a "friend". An acquaintance? maybe. IDK.
And yes, in some friendship, even if it isn't that deep, it is still a friendship to be treasured. There are some people who can't be catogerized into neither of the friendship types. But to simplify, they may not belong in your "deep friendship" cliques, but you have mutual understandings, respect, and also support. Your opinions shouldn't tally with theirs, but to have those 3 things in check, it'll suffice to form a good friendship, atleast. Friends shouldn't have ill feelings, unnecessary competitions, lack of respect and ingenuity. If you sense these bad auras around your surrounding, pack your bags and leave the town, boo. These kind of people, nah, they're not worth the time. If anyone makes you feel inferior because of their superiority(god knows why), or them making you feel like "Meh shut up, we don't need your opinions right here" then you know from there on, you can't form a solid friendship with them.
I often see, some people fail to understand the value of friendship. They spend their life hustling, and creating connections only with the superiors, disregarding a much more evoking connection, that is to have connections with their friends & to go way past those small talks and jokes?
Do some people really see life as being a 100 percent goal driven person (which of course, is ok to an extent), and you're "super passionate" about something and only that thing, that all that matters is to achieve their goals. Yes! We should always thrive to achieve them, and achieving goals is satisfactory. You climbed hills and mountains, swam thru the sea, got what you've wanted. But at the end of the day, to me life is way more than trophies, recognition and achieving material dreams. It's not a sin to take a break in life for god sake. To stop, breathe and look around. Reaaally look around, and observe people, and the situation around you. But if you don't give two crap about these whole "sentimental bs" then you do you, i'll do me. And if i do me, you're entitled for opinions, but for judgements? Sayonara tomodachi.
My life really, revolves around people. My parents and family whom i love with all my heart, and of course, friends, whom i appreciate way beyond words could convey. That's why it beats me how sometimes people don't see relationships in any form (with family, friends, lover etc) from how i see it. But it is unfair to say that, because, different people, different perspective.
My non-shallow friendships has developed since high school years up until diploma, and if we're talking as of now, i'm kind of lazy to invest my time and effort on making another "deep friendship" work. Don't get me wrong, if the right person comes, a "deep friendship" should and will happen effortlessly, without having to feel like you are obliged to try and be around them for the sake of keeping up. Pft
To say that I admire is a little narcissistic, but i sort of am proud of the person i have become. I know how to judge a situation now rather than to always sugarcoat things. Like realizing the fact that not all of your friends are gonna stay, and not all friendships are gonna work. You can't try to force this deep friendship thing to work on certain people, and that is when you realize, investing too much of your time isn't gonna be worth it, especially for your future self. Are you gonna call them in 5 years to come? Welll... Are they gonna come to your wedding? Prolly. But do you see them hanging out with your kids? No. So now you know damn well who will, and i'm happy i have finally realized that. Nadh's growing up wohoo!
If i have to list down the names of friends i love, man i'd be Meryl Streep by then, maybe slightly older. But you know who you are *wink wink* And i think i have been making friends and have develop deep friendships ever since high school up until diploma and a little time after that. This year, 2018? Yes, but probably just one or two, I don't know but maybe i don't need to find anymore, because everyone i have around me, is indeed, all that i need.
I love people around me, but only if they love me back. And also if they mean something to me even when the current situation refrain us from having something similar to the past. And if i love you buddy, i will really, really love you. #nuffsaid. Call me acquisitive, but i keep up with my old friends, treasure my current friends, and still do not mind making more new friends. But meaningful ones tho, i’ll accept with open arms if they decide to come to me, but to find more of them, i think i shall stop my findings right about now :)
21 year old me has retired from finding deep friendships, and that's totally okay? Right?
