Realize.
I, am at a very low state of spiritual health.
I feel so lost, so empty.
I am driven by my goals, and the hereafter are no where to be seen in the picture.
I am lost in the ambition of living the perfect life in Dunya.
Money, status, achievement.
Its all about me, here.
I long to be the person i used to.
Then one who prayed, without being asked, and who prayed sincerely.
Theres was no hint of arrogance, but mere love for my Lord.
Sin are synonymous with my daily life.
I neglect prayers, i seldom remember my Lord.
My action says sin and my words are sins. What kind of person have i become?
I am lucky that i have grown up in a fairly religious family.
I am lucky that i have a mother & a father that guided me to love my Lord since day one.
A mother and a father that taught me how important prayer is.
I am lucky that my parents instill religious moral to my heart.
But what have i become now?
They would be very disappointed,
If only they knew.
Now, i am out of my comfort zone, outside of my very own nest.
My house are filled with morale and all good things.
But i finally am exposed to this filthy filthy world.
I sin, a lot.
And whats worst is that, sometimes i feel blunt about it.
I don't feel moved, or touched when i hear the words of Allah, when back then i used to weep in my solat, while reciting dua, while i get my head down during sujud.
I weep for Him.
I weep for my God.
I weep for Allah.
What has my heart become?
Is it filled with that many black dots, that many filth & sin that it feels dead?
I envy people who get to feel that sense of peace, that sense of attachment to the Lord.
People who are genuinely happy performing salat, people who are happy being in an islamic surrounding.
I wanna feel it to.
I really do.
Where did that kind of happiness go?
What have i done, to ensure i have a well happy life in the hereafter?
Nothing.
What happened to my prayers?
Dua?
Character?
Manners?
Goals?
Its all inclined toward Dunya.
Dearself, what are you truly after?
Are you happy being the person you are right now?
Are you ready to die?
How sure are you that Allah will grant your Jannah?
I am not. I want to change.
I am gonna change.
I am a sinner & i am surrounded by sins. And i do not want to stay this way.
I want to go to heaven.
I want to meet my God, my Prophet.
& i want to live a wonderful life in Jannah, cause it is the life, the only one
that will last forever.
And no other happiness can surpass the happiness of being there.
O Allah, strengthen my imaan, and correct my goals. Protect me from all sins, and purify my heart from all filth, and all insincerity.
Tuesday// 2.30am
20th June 2017
Ramadhan Day 24
I feel so lost, so empty.
I am driven by my goals, and the hereafter are no where to be seen in the picture.
I am lost in the ambition of living the perfect life in Dunya.
Money, status, achievement.
Its all about me, here.
I long to be the person i used to.
Then one who prayed, without being asked, and who prayed sincerely.
Theres was no hint of arrogance, but mere love for my Lord.
Sin are synonymous with my daily life.
I neglect prayers, i seldom remember my Lord.
My action says sin and my words are sins. What kind of person have i become?
I am lucky that i have grown up in a fairly religious family.
I am lucky that i have a mother & a father that guided me to love my Lord since day one.
A mother and a father that taught me how important prayer is.
I am lucky that my parents instill religious moral to my heart.
But what have i become now?
They would be very disappointed,
If only they knew.
Now, i am out of my comfort zone, outside of my very own nest.
My house are filled with morale and all good things.
But i finally am exposed to this filthy filthy world.
I sin, a lot.
And whats worst is that, sometimes i feel blunt about it.
I don't feel moved, or touched when i hear the words of Allah, when back then i used to weep in my solat, while reciting dua, while i get my head down during sujud.
I weep for Him.
I weep for my God.
I weep for Allah.
What has my heart become?
Is it filled with that many black dots, that many filth & sin that it feels dead?
I envy people who get to feel that sense of peace, that sense of attachment to the Lord.
People who are genuinely happy performing salat, people who are happy being in an islamic surrounding.
I wanna feel it to.
I really do.
Where did that kind of happiness go?
What have i done, to ensure i have a well happy life in the hereafter?
Nothing.
What happened to my prayers?
Dua?
Character?
Manners?
Goals?
Its all inclined toward Dunya.
Dearself, what are you truly after?
Are you happy being the person you are right now?
Are you ready to die?
How sure are you that Allah will grant your Jannah?
I am not. I want to change.
I am gonna change.
I am a sinner & i am surrounded by sins. And i do not want to stay this way.
I want to go to heaven.
I want to meet my God, my Prophet.
& i want to live a wonderful life in Jannah, cause it is the life, the only one
that will last forever.
And no other happiness can surpass the happiness of being there.
O Allah, strengthen my imaan, and correct my goals. Protect me from all sins, and purify my heart from all filth, and all insincerity.
Tuesday// 2.30am
20th June 2017
Ramadhan Day 24
